


Aftermath

by stainhermouthred



Category: Jessica Jones (TV), Marvel
Genre: Abuse, Angst, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Jess meets Daredevil, Lexi made me do it, Luke's backstory, Mind Control, More Hurt, Seeking forgiveness, Swearing, aftermath of a trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-20
Updated: 2015-12-20
Packaged: 2018-05-08 00:51:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,130
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5477018
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stainhermouthred/pseuds/stainhermouthred
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jessica needs to deal with her life after killing Kilgrave and as it turns out her work will make her cross paths not only with Daredevil but also them man whose life got destroyed because of her.<br/>And she can't shake off the feeling that her personal devil will never leave her.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Aftermath

**Author's Note:**

> Lexi made me do it.  
> Look out for the story from the_other_woman here on ao3.  
> You'll see why.  
> Her story will explain a lot. I promise.
> 
> As for the fanfiction itself. It was supposed to end before certain events but then, hey, why not.  
> I hope someone likes it ;)

_„Let’s start with a smile”_

_A huge smile spread across her face and the joy it gave him made her nauseous. Then he leaned in, his heat so close making her skin crawl just as his next words: “Tell me you love me”_

_She looked at him and with a joy in her voice she told him, she did. She felt like ripping off her own tongue with disgust. And then she grabbed him by the face, kept him upright and told him to smile. And he did._

_He laughed at her face and told her that she’d  enjoy her own personal hell he had for her._

Jessica woke up panting, sitting up abruptly and trying to breathe through her dream and trying to remember that the son of the bitch was dead. He was dead, she killed him this time. She felt his neck snap under her fingers and that was the end of it. He couldn’t hurt anyone else. He deserved it.

She killed another person with her bare hands. She was a monster and she knew that. The world thought she was a hero because she saved them from mind controller but so what if so many people died in the process, so what if in the end she had to kill a human being again. She was a monster and Kilgrave was dead. And her dream felt too real. He had her in her personal hell and it didn’t end with his death. Nothing changed, the dreams were worse and she did nothing but managed to survive him. That’s her only achievement and she wonders if she’s able to survive the aftermath of him.

She laid on her bed, staring at the ceiling the will to sleep completely gone. Judging by the sky, the dawn was close and she might as well be up. She reached down beside her bed trying to find a bottle of liquor that by some miracle wasn’t emptied yet, no such luck. Groaning she kept looking up thinking that she promised Trish to come over and that Hogarth still gave her jobs even if she didn’t want shit from that woman. And then, there was Malcolm who kept coming in and taking her goddamn phones and inviting these people over and basically forcing  Jessica to keep working.

She didn’t get why they were still here.

Trish almost got killed. Then worse, almost got taken away by that psychopathic son of a bitch.  Malcolm, his life got completely destroyed because Kilgrave needed a spy. And he was a good person, good enough to stick around and help. He believed that she could be better. So far, everyday she disappointed him but she couldn’t make herself care. And there was one person whose life was completely destroyed and it wasn’t  even entirely her fault, she was just a shitty excuse for human being and did the wrong thing because it was easier. And that person left her life after it got worse, after she shot him in the head. She wasn’t even looking for him, she promised she would stay out of his life and she did.

She got up and walked straight into the kitchen hoping for at least a strong coffee. It was a mess, it usually was. She made herself coffee and looked at her phone seeing that Hogarth had something for her again. Jessica wasn’t a forgiving type. Hogarth kept her out of jail but to be honest when she was sitting there, listening to the accusation she didn’t give a shit. Yes, she killed a man with her bare hands. She could be locked up. It was over anyway.

There was a knock on the door. A pounding really, she rolled her eyes and went to answer it. Trish paid for yet another window but so what if it was to be destroyed again by someone stupid or malicious. When she answered there was an older woman standing there, clutching at her purse and looking pretty goddamned scared.

She let her in and listened to the story about some guy in red costume, “the devil” has had her son beaten up half to death and that the devil should be brought to justice. The story was long and predictable and Jessica was willing to bet some good money that the “son” was a violent criminal who deserved whatever he got.

Here’s the thing. She did check her clients thoroughly before she even took the case.

She also wasn’t blind. The “devil” was big news for a while and she just didn’t care. She had to deal with her own shit, didn’t have time to worry about some vigilante who kept beating up people. Bad people as it turned out. And yet after … after people thought he was a hero she got like three clients whining about this guy wanting to expose him and who was better than a P.I. Fact that  she broke man’s neck with her bare hands only helped their cases which… were a complete fake most of the time. Meaning that someone hired these people. And it would be okay because she needed money but she also had one rule. Stay away from motherfucking vigilante slash superhumans types. And guy had to be a superhuman, he used to wear a mask over his eyes which was cool but freaky.

Anyway, she heard the mother, she checked her story, her bank account everything she could find and everything seemed  legit. The son was in his mid twenties. Had ties with the company of that Fisk guy that the devil put away  and Jessica decided that she might as well talk to the guy.

She left to the hospital, trying to drew as little attention to herself as she could which was difficult considering there were a lot of people here who tried to kill her just some time ago. She walked casually looking down going to the E.R. From there, it was an easy thing, everyone was so concerned with the bleeding and hurt that no one noticed her while she found the guy. Which gave her exactly nothing as it turned out. Guy was so hurt he was knocked out pharmacologically. And judging by the pipe in his trachea he probably couldn’t even talk. What a waste of time.  And a lovely reminder of the last time she was here. She couldn’t do shit until she talked to him because she wasn’t going to expose some guy without the final proof that it wasn’t just Fisk putting away his employees from behind the bars.

Just as she was about to leave she heard the curtain being pulled over and she was looking straight at Claire another person from that night that she got tangled up in her shit. “What are you doing here?” she demanded and Jessica felt the twinge of smile at her annoyance.  

“Visiting” she snapped.

“Get out. Stay away from this one. He’s no use to you.” She demanded and gave him another portion of anesthetic.

“How do you know?”

“He’s unconscious. And he will stay this way, I’ll make sure of that”

Jessica looked at Claire and decided that since a woman was a nurse, she had to see other victims of the devil. “So, typical victim of that devil guy?”  Devil was a wrong word. They haven’t seen the devil. She’s the one who stood eye to eye with him.

“The devil guy?” Claire looked completely uninterested in whatever she was saying.

“Daredevil, that’s how the newspaper calls him. Looks like a dick. Beats up people. Bad ones usually.”

 “He doesn’t look like a dick and no. there is too much stab wounds. He uses his fists or wooden sticks.”

Wooded sticks? How the hell… “so the devil started using knives. That’s cool” Jessica was watching Claire as she frowned for a second.

“It wasn’t him. The injuries he inflicts are not enough to kill and the guy here almost died from the slit throat. He doesn’t do that. Now, I need you to leave.”

Jessica gave her a stiff smile and left, hiding the garage and to make sure she could trace Claire’s car later and follow her, feeling like shit because Claire helped and she was going to use her. She kept doing that to people.

After  seven hours of sitting on her ass not moving she considered just giving up, it’s not like she cared about that devil guy nor that guy that Claire considered a friend which might but better not be the same person. It was a blind guess anyway. After twelve hours she decided that Claire was a goddamn hero to help people for 12 hours straight. And Jess was exhausted from just sitting there and staring at walls. The worst part? There moments when there was a silence in the garage a rare ones but she would tense and instantly get more observant, leftovers of her paranoid behavior. And even then, she would think she saw a flash of purple or sometimes feel his breath on her neck or his fingers ghosting over her scalp. She whipped her head making sure it wasn’t real, shivered violently and rationally she knew he wasn’t here. No physically anyway. Sometimes she thought that his presence will stay with her forever though. That thought was making her nauseas though so she focused on the door where Claire still refused to show up.

 After fourteen hours the nurse finally emerged looking like she was half dead. She stumbled into the car and Jessica managed to write down the numbers of her car before she left. Now she had to trace her which was pretty easy once you had public cameras hacked.

Which still took her a while.

She ended up stalking someone who had enough good will to help her when she needed it desperately. Telling herself it’s just a job? Worked for a while. On the other hand she just gained even more respect for  the woman who spends most of her day on E.R. And without one damn complaint.

No one to her that might resembled the vigilante type and Jess started to think that that guy was just a part of everyone’s imagination. It took two weeks of watching before something changed. Claire took a call from a phone Jessice hasn’t noticed before and she got really pale for a second.

Jessica got alerted instantly and watched as the woman frantically started moving stuff around and pulled out her med bag. She was so focused on what was happening in the apartment that Jessica hadn’t heard when someone stood behind her and a second later she was choking under someone’s grip around her neck.

“What are you doing stalking her” the voice in her ear was weak and low and she wanted to kick the shit out of this person. “None of your  business” she tried to wiggle off without using her strength, didn’t really want to kill the guy and tried to punch him in the face but somehow she missed, she had no idea why, on the other hand she was much of a fighter. But then he tightened his grip around her neck and got closer to her which freaked her the hell out and she send him back on his ass with barely half of her strength and turned to look at that moron who dared to attack her. Which would be great but the second she saw the man who attacked her was the Daredevil himself, bleeding half to death she also saw the billy club for half a second before it knocked her out.

When she became aware of herself again she half laying  on something and heard annoyed Claire talking  in hushed voice.

“That’s exactly what I needed, two freaking vigilantes to take care of. What have I ever done to you people.  And you just had to knock her out. What if she doesn’t wake up for a really long while?”

“Actually…” there was a groan of pain and the sharp smell of alcohol “… she’s awake.”

Holy crap.

Jessica opened her eyes to see Claire fussing over the shirtless Daredevil, fumbling with something that probably was stitches but she wasn’t sure. And her head was killing her.

“okay that was freaky, how did you know, asshole” her voice was pained, just great.

His, on the other hand, was  calm, collected  and weak. “None of your business” she snorted at that. Smartass.

“So, no torture? Death threats?”

Claire actually glared at her then. “I told him you’re not a bad person, he would have done both. Keep that up though and I might stop caring”

“That would be a freaking great idea, Claire” Jessica told her and winced again at her head throbbing. The nurse rolled her eyes and said: “Don’t move. I’ll get to you in a second. And then…” she left  to the kitchen and came back with an icepack and  handed it to her “… you might tell me why the hell where you standing there tonight.”

“She was spying on you” the man on the couch said and Jessica rolled her eyes even though the guilt was starting to rise in her stomach.

“I was hired.”

“To stalk me?” Claire was getting angry and truly Jessica deserved it, the familiar pain started curling in her body.

“No”

“Then what?”

Jessica’s heart was pounding, she didn’t want to do this to Claire. Really.

“It’s about me” Jesus, for a man who she was supposed to identify, she surely kept ignoring him. And she had him right there to see and leave and then probably destroying his life. But she needed to know if he was a good person. If it was worth it.

“Jessica…” Claire started but devil cut in “Hired by who?”

And why the hell not… “by the mother of the man you put into  a hospital yesterday. Slit throat? Telling you something?”

“That wasn’t me”

“A woman, came into my office very explicitly telling that you almost sent her son to the ground. She wanted me to kill you probably. ” She was glaring at him. And he wouldn’t even look her in the face.

“That’s not the point!” Claire burst out. “You stalked me. I told you it wasn’t him and you stalked me even though you weren’t sure if I know the man. Who the hell does that?”

There was shame and pain and she expected all of it. She swallowed slowly and said harshly. “I’m a P.I. That’s my job.”

“So what. You’re going to expose him? You _are_ strong enough to do that ” Claire was  fucking pissed and no one could blame her. Jesus, she wanted a drink. And money. That was one hell of a case, cash wise. Jesus, she hated her job sometimes.

“I don’t really care about it. That was about getting paid anyway.” That was the truth.

“So you don’t care that people are hurting. That there’s a guy in the hospital dying and you do nothing to help find his attacker? You just wanted to get paid?” He seemed really sad that she was a heartless bitch.

“At least I don’t beat people to pulp” She said.

“ No, you kill them” okay, so he might be bleeding all over Claire’s couch but she was going to kick his ass.

“Okay, I’m done. Both you, shut up.” Claire had enough. “You don’t know anything about each other. I don’t know much about the two of you but you will not get into a fight in my apartment? My couch is destroyed enough as it is”

Jessica turn her eyes away from Daredevil and looked at Claire with amused expression. She on the other hand was still mad.

“What are you going to Jessica?”

“Go find another case probably. I do owe you, I guess” She smirked at Claire and got up feeling dizzy as hell. “oh jesus, your friend needs to chill with that stick” she heard a  chuckle from Claire and went to the door.

“you okay?” she heard behind her from the other woman.

“I heal fast” she answered drily, thinking about a whisky that she didn’t have. Yet.

“Not what I was asking about”

“Well, take what you got”

She turned around leaving as fast as she could. Before she got back to her apartment, she stopped by the store to get her alcohol, hoping it would help with a freaking headache the bleeding guy has inflicted on her. Idiot. There was something wrong with him, he was titling his head a little and never turned his face to her, like he didn’t give a fuck about her or was blind. At this she wasn’t sure which one was more possible.

What’s worse when she got up to her floor, she saw that there was a light on in her apartment and she didn’t want to look at Malcolm right now. Trish was away on some business trip so that was the only person who would sit there at 2AM. She took a swing  from the bottle when she got out of the elevator and then decided to just ignore Malcolm, going straight to her bedroom.

She opened the door to her place and would do as planned, there was just one flaw in her plan. It wasn’t Malcolm. She shut the door behind her and looked in the eyes of the man whose life she completely destroyed.

“Luke” she breathed, trying to decide what the hell she could say. “What are you doing here?” that was really smooth.

 He was sitting in the chair in front of her desk, looking at her with a calm face which told her exactly nothing and was unnerving her. “I need to hire you, Jones”

She blinked. The last time? Didn’t end up too well. Actually it ended up with her breaking him all over again. “And I  told you before. Angela der Torro. Good P.I. go to her”

She started asking herself why the hell was she pushing him away again.

“You’re better” He just said standing up and looking at her intently. He was so big and calm, he was like epitome of safety and strength and all she saw at the moment was his body after she shot him.

“Do you actually want _me_ to do this?” She cared. So what?

“You’re the only one I trust with this” His voice was steady and his form was a little tense and when she looked at him, she could see that he did trust her. So she tried being honest.

“Trusting me isn’t the best idea. You learnt that the hard way” well, at least the emotional struggle let her forget about the pain. She didn’t know if it was a good thing since the killing … she was pretty much numb. He winced and she felt the wave of nausea hitting her and tried breathing even to make it go away. She wasn’t good at it. And she didn’t know shit since… everything he said was _him…_

She could see that he started to say something but she barely hissed “Give me a sec” and went to the bathroom, locking herself and trying hard not to throw up. She was looking at herself in the mirror and there was no one there.

And she killed him. He was dead. He couldn’t hurt Luke. Or Trish. Or anyone. She killed him.

There were moments though, flashes… when she thought she saw him. In the corner of her eye, the glimpse, the echo of his voice. There moments when she could swear he was alive. It was stupid. It wasn’t true. And she could almost feel his hand on her hip, tracing her spine and she looked into the mirror, focusing on her own face, her breathing ragged. She had a paranoia, there moments, fractures of the second when she could wear it all was just one his commands. That she lived in an imaginary world that he created that in the nights he was beside her, just made her forget.

She couldn’t.

She threw up everything she had in her stomach and then just sat on the floor beside the toilet, silent tears streaming down her face when she remembered that Luke was in there. And waiting.

She brushed her teeth and wiped her face before she came back and he looked really worried. He shouldn’t. “Food poisoning. Don’t eat at that new place” she said carelessly and sat behind the desk.

“Okay, start at the beginning…”

She didn’t know what to expect, really. Riva’s murder wasn’t a mystery anymore, she was  the answer. For a second she was scared that Luke had a kid he wanted to find. The thought scared the shit out of her and for no reason. But no.

“I want you to help me find my father”

“How long is he missing?” she asked looking with surprise at his sad smile.

“He’s not. He’s hiding.”

“Is he in danger? Do you need to find him to relocate him or something?” she had thousands of scenarios in her head but even sadder expression on Luke’s face just confused her more.

“No, Jones. He’s hiding from me” he sat down on the other side of the desk and didn’t meet her gaze. As for her. She was asking herself why, wondering if she had any right to ask such a personal thing of Luke and finally deciding that she couldn’t help him if she didn’t know. But he reacted before she had  the chance to ask.

“that’s the story for another time. He’s been gone for years.”

“If he’s hiding… do you think it’s idea to look for him? This might end badly” her tone was soft, she really wasn’t a tender kind of person but she needed him to know. To understand that the aftermath might break him again and she didn’t think she could look at him falling apart because of something connecter even indirectly to her.

“Don’t get soft on me, Jones. I need to look this man in the eye and tell him something. I need it, okay?”  He was a statue, she was a wreck. She shouldn’t be surprised.

“Luke, this things… are you sure you can handle this if something goes wrong?” she was staring at him so hard she might as well bore a hole in his body.

“Lived through the worse” he said and stood up. Ouch. That hurt worse that she thought it would. “I’ll text you his last location tomorrow.”

She walked him to the door and there he looked at her and hesitated. She didn’t know what she wanted, he got her talk of “the future” when he was unconscious and probably the only thing he remembered was her shooting him.

“Someone got your head. You okay?”  She wasn’t okay, she felt like she was fucking mental but he was probably talking about the giant gash from the goddamn stick of the devil. Jesus, that thing still hurt.

“I’ll heal by the morning”  she said instead.

“Jess… “ he was struggling, poor guy “I tried to kill you… I didn’t… couldn’t…”

Jessica looked at him like he was out of his mind and he seemed a little flustered. “are you seriously trying to apologize for something that wasn’t your doing? I shot you. Out of my own free will. And you’re the one apologizing”

“You did what you had to do”

“You did what you were forced to do”

They were glaring at each other for a few seconds before he started talking again: “what I said then…”

“Don’t” she couldn’t. She didn’t think she could bear to hear it, really.

“You deserve forgiveness, Jessica” he said quietly before leaving. The door closing with a light click.

“Just not from you” she said into the darkness before she locked the door and slipped down along the wall and reached for the bottle she left here earlier. It was so much worse because it was entirely her doing. No one to blame. She sipped from the bottle trying not to drown in her own self-pity, just get drunk and sleep.

She didn’t deserve forgiveness. She wasn’t even sure that it would change anything if she got it. But Luke … when he wasn’t himself… hearing from his lips that he forgave her made her relived. Like she could breathe normally again.

She wanted to get to it first thing in the morning. She really did. But after she managed to haul herself out of bed after another nightmare that she lost Trish to Kilgrave, and took  the necessities, she almost stepped on the letter that was left in her doorstep. Irritated, she tore the envelope and found a Nelson and Murdock business card. Well that was subtle. She knew these guys, they were cheap ass good hearted lawyers from hell’s kitchen. But they couldn’t really help her now could they?

She left the apartment going to the address that Luke sent her.

The address was some basement in Brooklyn. A shithole really. She went into the building and found the right door, closed of course. She broke the door without as much as a second thought even though she knew that it was probably a dead end anyway. Luke told her that his father used to live here but didn’t know how much time passed before he left. And what’s worse, she wasn’t sure if someone else wasn’t living there now, making her case a complete waste of time because she sure couldn’t go through the trash can looking for leads anymore.

First things first. There was no one here, that was sure. Jessica looked around and first felt the surge of horror at the destruction that was everywhere. Walls had holes in them, furniture mostly broken, a huge mess around. She actually considered calling Luke to tell him that this time his dad might have been not hiding out of his own free will. It took her a second to notice the pattern in the destruction. It was too regular, too clinical, it was done on purpose. She looked around for a second and went to the trash only to see it was emptied and while it might have been quite normal she also looked around. There was less clothes here that would be considered normal, no documentary, some tickets without bigger meaning. No blood but she found some hair. White, might have belonged to the older male.

She got to the landlord then, acting her part, pretending to be panicked, new friend of his. She didn’t got much. Some of his rituals out of neighbors. A news that he paid always in cash and that the disaster to the apartment happened two weeks ago. Well that didn’t help. He could be half way across the country right now. But she did got his current picture. A bad one, but some bratty kid kept taking pics of the neighbors so she took it.

There wasn’t much she could do at the moment. She bought herself another bottle of  whisky and came to her apartment seeing Malcolm writing something down and  watching her with slight disapproval when he noticed the bottle in paper bag. She supposed she might as well get used to disappointing people. She still wasn’t the hero Trish and now Malcolm wanted her to be.

She could try to be a decent human being though so she sat down in front of her laptop and with help from Hogarth she got access to the surveillance cameras in the city. That was the most boring part. Find the right camera, rewind it, find the person, watch her moves. And then repeat.

She got a text from Luke if she got anything and honestly he had to know it wouldn’t be this easy.

_On it. Working._

After few hours she managed to find out that he got into the bus to California. Few phones and she found out that he went straight to San Diego and that he seemed to move in with someone to the shithole similar to the New York’s one.  It wasn’t easy and she wasn’t exactly sure if the intel was 100% reliable but it was better than nothing, she guessed.

So she called Luke.

“Got something, Jones?”

“A lead. He’s in San Diego, not sure about the location. I thought you might want to come with me, in case he moves again  before you get there. I mean it’s unlikely, he’s been there for two weeks now but who knows” she bit her lower lip, watching the walls of her apartment.  There was nothing here she could focus on so she turned her attention to the alcohol in front of her.

“Nothing sure?”

“I know that he’s in San Diego right now. I can tell you more when I get there. Do you want to come?”

“Tomorrow morning. I’ll drive.”

He ended the call and although she gave him at least partially what he wanted, she felt like she was going to do more harm than good with this. Again. She sat there for a moment considering calling Trish and telling her what was going on in her life lately. She tried not to shut the blonde out, not after what  happened that night. If being part of Jess’ life was what she wanted, so be it. Eventually she decided against it, she might do it after the Luke thing.

She plugged her phone to charge it and crawled into the bed, burying herself in the sheets and wishing that she could get at least half-decent sleep before she was about spent few hours in a car alone with that man.

She hated that moment when she was laying down, waiting for sleep, praying for it to come faster. That’s why she kept getting drunk out of her mind to simply pass out as soon as her body hit the bed but she was short of money and asking Trish for booze was out of question. When she was laying down, her face pressed into the pillow, the darkness around her and the only sound she could here were sirens of Hell’s kitchen and shouting. But there was more. In the dark she tried to think about good stuff or boring things but that really didn’t make her flinch less when she thought she felt fingers tracing over her sides or a breath on her neck. There was no one there of course. But her mind apparently hated her because every time when she was falling asleep she could feel his body and a soft voice saying “Jessica” into her ear.

_Kilgrave was looking at her with adoration and some possessiveness that he described to himself as love. Smiling and taking her by the hand, leading her somewhere. They were in a huge hall walking, him talking about something which she tried to tune out. It was so typical, he told her to smile and be obedient, so she was. Like always._

_She was unnerved though, like there was something really wrong here. Why was she here? Why was she with him?_

_He led her to the bedroom and turned around his smile turning almost tender and that made her even more disturbed. She needed to leave. She turned around trying to get away but his voice stopped her._

_“Jessie, stop.” She hated “Jessie”. But she stopped obediently. He walked around to look her in the eyes and his hands rose to caress her face, she tried to flinch away but couldn’t. His skin was warm, his smell everywhere and she hated every second of it. “You don’t want to hurt anyone, do you” tenderness of his voice combined with what he was saying was making her sick. “So many people have died because you were so selfish. You could live a dream but first you made me hurt all these people”_

_“It wasn’t my fault” she breathed, having trouble remembering but feeling the burning guilt in her gut._

_“Yes, it was. Everything happened because you couldn’t accept the happiness with me. Don’t you remember?” his thumb was tracing her lower lip as a whimper left her lips and the tears streamed down her face when she remembered Hope’s lifeless body on the floor, the parents, so many other killed, Reva… Luke almost dying…_

_“I can take away your pain with a word, if that’s not happiness, I can’t tell you what is” he whispered against her cheek._

_She’d rather die._

_“Now, death is not the mercy you deserve, sweetheart”_

Jessica shot out of bed, falling onto the floor, her vision blurred by tears. Sitting straight she let the tears flow, trying to calm her breathing and her heartbeat. It was her fault actually. It wasn’t directly her fault, it was his doing, his sick ways of getting to her but that was because he wanted to get a reaction from her. In a way she understood that, she would never let anyone tell her that it was her fault. But sitting here, trying to calm down and even forgetting for a second that it was another nightmare when he was controlling her, nothing seemed as clear as it used to in daylight.

Finally, she managed to calm down and decided that she had enough sleep for one night even though it was 3 in the morning. She threw on some clothes, her leather jacket and left for a walk. She didn’t know what she was looking for, one thing she was sure was that she couldn’t observe Luke again. That was bad then, would be even worse now.

She just walked without much purpose really hoping no one will decide that she’s a good person to rob because she wasn’t in the mood to hold back on some stupid thugs. She planned to keep away from these incidents.

Did it work? Not really. She did heard the disturbance but decided to ignore it. But then she heard more. Kids crying.

“Goddamnit” she could ran a little faster than ordinary humans so when she got there nothing  bad happened yet. At least didn’t look like it. There was a woman kept against the wall by the man who was taking her jewelry off  in a hurry while keeping the knife pressed to her neck and two kids crying  next to them held by their jackets by another man. This was disgusting. She pulled out her   bottle with alcohol and said goodbye in her thoughts.

“You see a woman with kids on the street and first thing you think is to mug her? Really?” She said, loudly coming closer and when the man with a knife turned his head into her direction she threw the bottle so it hit him in the head and knocked him out. Her strength was a good thing sometimes.

The other man looked at her with something resembling fear and she really wanted to be out of  here. Teaching thugs a lesson wasn’t something she wanted to do. “Come closer and they’ll die” He said , gripping older boy’s neck and she heard the mother scream at her to go away because she fucking made it worse. Shit.

What she didn’t understand was why the guy fell on his face seconds later until she saw the stick falling next to him. She wasn’t alone. “What are you waiting for? Get them out of here” she snapped at the woman and she took kids’ hands leaving immediately. Why the mother was out on the street at 3 AM was beyond her.

But she had other things to focus on right now. In front of her there was no one else but Daredevil himself in his red costume with horns looking surprisingly dangerous for a guy walking around in costume.

“Jessica Jones” he said, calmly, slowly.

“Your name is ridiculous”  she quipped.

“I wasn’t the one who came up with it” he looked like he was smiling and that wasn’t a pleasant smile.

“It’s still ridiculous.” Her whisky was on the ground, the bottle broken. Goddamn these muggers.

“I’ve heard about you” he came closer to her, he still was life hundred feet from her  but it was making her nervous anyway. “You have quite a reputation.”

“Look who’s talking. The most hated man in this city just before he became the hero”  she was rude and it was so unfair but she didn’t give a shit.

“I never wanted to be the hero in the eyes of the city. I wanted the city to be the better place. And after what I just witnessed, you aren’t that different. And you didn’t expose _me_ when you could.” He was talking and talking and he seemed so sure of what he was saying that she laughed drily.

“I’m not a hero. And I want to be left alone. You seem to be doing an okay job protecting this place.”  There were things which he couldn’t protect it from though. Like mind controller. That wasn’t the point. “For me it’s just one case less, it happens.”

He looked like he was going to say something but she had enough. She turned around walking really too fast and trying to decide what she was going to do till the morning since sleeping in her own bed was out of question for now. She ended up confirming her leads on Luke’s father location, trying to find the smallest details that could help. Before she realized it was 7AM and she got another text from Luke telling her to get going. And while she wasn’t looking forward to this drive she sure as hell was happy to leave this place for now.

Luke was civil with her.

He answered her questions more or less politely but didn’t offer anything on his own. And he had a perfect excuse, he was the only one driving, needed the focus. Jessica almost regretted not having a license. The car wasn’t his and she knew but didn’t ask. Actually they spent first few hours of the drive in almost complete silence.

After a while though she had enough. She needed intel. She wanted to know why he wanted her. And she couldn’t  do that when he was speaking with half words or not speaking at all.

“You should pull over at the station” she said and saw him flinch at the sudden disturbance of the silence.

“Why?”

“You need rest, I need few information for  the case”

“You can ask me here” he looked a little tense and she felt bad for him.

“You need rest”

He looked at her with a caution and a little surprised expression and it shouldn’t hurt this much but it did. She was a selfish asshole but she cared about him. She worried. On the other hand, wasn’t it that thing that she wanted from everyone else? To stay oblivious of her real feelings so they wouldn’t get hurt by being associated with her?

_You never loved anybody, you’re not capable of it_

She bit down on her lip hard so she wouldn’t flinch at the reminder of his voice. He was dead.

To her surprise Luke pulled over at the closest station anyway. He turned off the engine and turned to her, waiting. “What do you need to know, Jones?”

“Why exactly is he hiding from you?” She looked at him with unusual patience but really the whole mystery aura was making her nervous,  last time there was too much of a mystery about a client, she got shot.

And he knew her enough to know that she wasn’t a noisy bitch. She hoped. He wasn’t comfortable around her that was for sure. But she was able to help him. He knew she was.

“The experiment that made me who I am? It was done in prison. I got convicted for selling heroin and one kid’s death. I got my name cleared from the murder of the boy but still went to prison for heroin. I did none of these but my parents believe the papers. After I got out of prison I tried to contact my father but he wouldn’t give me a chance to explain. He believed all the crap that the papers wrote about me or so the family friend told me. I’ve changed my name. Got a bar. I met Reeva. And I’ve been looking for him ever since. I need him to understand.” He got quiet and looked at her, daring her to say something.

Jessica looked at him speechless. That was the last thing she expected honestly and she was at loss of words. She always was in moments like this. Instead of comfort she offered: “I’ll find him”

Luke laughed. Actually bitterly laughed.

“I’ve heard that before.”

“Before?” she asked confused.

“You’re not the first one I came for help. But other P.I.s didn’t have time, I called that Angela der Torro yesterday but she had something to attend to. You’re the only one left to help me, Jones.”

That stung.

“I’ll find him”

He nodded and yawn, poor man has been driving for hours.  “Take a nap or something before we get going.”

It was a middle of the day and he couldn’t be comfortable in that car and she was restless. She had no idea because she wasn’t noisy. But she suspected that something  had happened, man wouldn’t sign up for an experiment with his own free will. It still was none of her business. It made her job harder though. She might find the father but would he talk to them?

She made few more calls, found out that father changed the name as well and lived at some cabin. She couldn’t do much more while they were driving so she sat down and just stared at the road and people at the gas station. She watched, observed and judged. That was the only thing she was good at. Has been since she was a kid.

And watching people’s lives let her not to freak out. Mostly. Every time it god too quiet or she closed her eyes while she was alone, sooner or later he’d appear in front of her. And it was in her head, she knew. That didn’t  make it feel any less real though.

Even now she was haunted by his voice saying her name echoing quietly in the back of her head, making her skin crawl.

He woke up an hour later and they got on their way immediately.

When they got there, she lied her ass off and got a  name, some flirting and threats and an address. And it would be so much harder if Luke kept the truth to himself. But she had a basic profile of the father, she knew more or less how he looked like, it wasn’t that difficult.

The problem was at the cabin. Luke wanted to go in there with her. She had to explain it to him that they might spook at the sight of him and honestly she fucking hated being the one to tell people bad news.  He agreed to stay in the car while she made her way to the cabin and knocked loudly.

The cabin looked old.

Not exactly

Not exactly gross or anything just old.  Jessica didn't think that living there could be comfortable and got worried about the commitment of the father in hiding from the son.  The door looked a little  more solid than the rest,  not that it could endure her strength but she wanted to try and take care of that peacefully.  

After a few minutes of knocking, which honestly started to annoy even Jessica, a woman opened the door and hissed at her:

"What do you want? Leave me in peace" the woman was in her fifties or so, she was dressed as a typical suburban mum and looked pissed. 

"I'n looking for James Lucas?  He changed his name to James Geary now…  I was told I could find him here...  I need to talk to him,  it's about his son... "

Woman looked at her with such  a hostility tat Jessica couldn't have a clearer confirmation.

"No one else lives here. Leave me alone"  she tried to shut the door but Jessica  stopped her by simply holding it.  With a corner of her eye she could see Luke sneaking closer to her instead of staying in the car but thank God he made sure the woman didn't see him.

"Look,  you have no reason to trust me but I want him to hear something and then I'll leave. That's all his son wants" she tried,   Luke stood practically next to her, listening to every word.

"You have no idea what he's been through"  The woman blurted out. Apparently it had been building up in her for a longer time.  "His wife died,  his son died and then the other son turns out to be a murderer and drug dealer.  That could break a man!  And his so called son keeps going after  him when he does not want it! He never wants to see him again!" 

Jessica looked at her surprised "Who are you that you know all of this?"  woman looked insulted but lifted a hand slightly to show a golden ring.  

"I'm his wife and I will not let him suffer more than he ready has" she looked like she was ready to keep her promise.

A wife.  She didn't get that from anyone and She could see Luke flinching slightly at her words. Well she wasn't going to give up now.

"Well, we're here now so you might want to reconsider that. Please.  Just let him hear" she was going to beg if that's what she wanted.

"We? " she looked at her with a suspicious expression and Jess motioned at Luke to come into sight.  

"I'm Luke … Carl Lucas. James’ ... "

Luke never finished that sentence and Jess felt her heart stop for a second.  His father came into the hallway and looked at him.  All Luke could manage was “Dad…” before rest of his words died on his lips as his father glared at him and turned around not sparing a word  of his own. Luke stood there, frozen. 

"Told you.  He doesn’t want to see him" The woman said but her voice wasn't pissed anymore.  Maybe a little sad. 

Jessica could be determinated though.  "okay lady,  we tried  it a nice way"  she was going to break the door  if she had to. She took a step ready to push the woman aside and force the father to hear his son when she heard: "Leave it Jones".  

His voice was low and commanding and sad.

She stopped.

She looked up at him and saw him shaking his head slowly.

Alright.

The woman used the moment to shut the door closed and Jessica closed her eyes for a second trying to stop herself from ripping them from the frame. She watched Luke turning around and going to the car. Powerless, she followed him wondering if there was any way to fix this mess.

They stopped at the same gas station as before and Luke got out of the car and just stood there, his face in his hands. She went and got two coffees and when she got back she could see him in the exact same position. She took a deep breath and passed him a coffee that he accepted without a word.

“Told you it might end up badly”

“Yeah”

It was awkward her standing her and witnessing him experiencing a breakdown but what else could she do?

“He couldn’t even look at me…” she heard him saying and she wasn’t sure if it was the right thing to do. If she had any right to do it but she put her coffee on the car and hugged him.

He didn’t respond to her in any way, didn’t flinch away or didn’t move to return it. She stood there hugging the man twice her size while he absolutely hadn’t moved a muscle. She wanted to shield away and forget about it… The hug wouldn’t do shit for her but maybe… If this could make him feel just a little better she’ll stand here in the most awkward hug in the world. She would do anything to make him feel better.

Except… she felt him exhale sharply and soon he was embracing her, his chin on her head his arms around her, keeping her close. She fit into his chest and gave him all the comfort she could. She breathed evenly, inhaling the scent of him which she couldn’t describe as anything really besides comforting and as she stood her, listening to his ragged breathing getting calmer she felt relief that she was able to give him at least that. Calmness. Or an illusion of it.

She couldn’t offer him his life back before the conviction. She couldn’t undo her mistakes. But she could offer him this.

“You’re not a bad person, Jones” he said into her hair still hugging her. Wasn’t she? She felt like a goddamn excuse for a human being most of the time. And he got to know that the hard way. She swallowed the words knowing there was nothing to be said. Not from her side. “And I did… you know, forgave you. Just needed time … to get over these things.”

For a moment, a second she feared that it wasn’t real. That it was him being controlled again. But soon she felt his steady hand tracing patterns on her back, steady pressure that unwillingly guided her back to him and she leaned back to look at his face.

“I’m sorry, you didn’t get to talk to your father” she said earnestly and he nodded.

“He’s okay. Probably happy with new wife. Didn’t want to talk. I guess I won’t get anything else, I’ll get over it”

“Okay” she said and tangled out of his embrace, standing next to him. They drank their previously abandoned coffee looking at nothing in particular.

_Chose to shot her boyfriend, you’re as selfish as ever._

She flinched. Visibly and hard and it took all of her strength not to punch into the car behind her. Even more not to let the tears in her eyes spill down her cheeks. She kept hearing him in his head and it didn’t stop and she really needed a drink. No she needed to drink enough to pass the fuck out in a dreamless state and then when she would wake up it would be morning and she would be too busy to think, let alone have flashbacks and …

“Jones?”

 _I told you to take care of her. You chose to kill her._ The echo of his voice was getting louder or was it the pounding in her head?

_Jessica, I will never leave you_

“Jones?”

She wanted to run. But it would be pointless. The voice was inside her head. It would be with her forever. The thought itself made her nauseous. The world was blurred in front of her and she wanted to crawl out of her body. Of her mind. Away. It was tainted, stained with his influence with his presence…

The warm hands on her face wasn’t Kilgrave’s.

The voice wasn’t calling “Jessica” but “Jones”

“Come back to me, come on” She heard and she focused on the voice, on the warmth of the hands on her cheeks, thumbs stroking her face, the world stopped spinning gradually and her vision focused on Luke’s worried face. She wasn’t crying. She was just looking at him with a blank expression.

“You with me, Jones?” he asked.

“Yeah” She said stiffly and tried to pry his hands from her face by his wrists. With practically no strength. “Let go”

He did.

She took a step back and took few calming breaths.

“Malcolm told me that he kept you around for a while. How long did he…”

Jessica turned away from him. “Eight months.”

“Holy shit. Did he…”

She turned around fast and glared at him. “Why the hell does it matter?” she hissed.

“It doesn’t…”

“He did. There were worse things that he made me do and you know it” she didn’t need a reminder of that devil inside her.

_We used to do a lot more than just touch hands…_

The devil possessed her body and she couldn’t move an inch to make it stop. No it was so much worse.

_He laid her down and in low voice made her spread her legs presenting herself to his eyes, so attentive it was making her sick. The touch of his fingers on her skin of his tongue in her most sensitive places felt like vipers that made her want to scream. But she couldn’t. Instead when he entered her and she kept her eyes shut he whispered into her ear “Let yourself enjoy it” and every trace of disgust vanished from her face and the only thing she could focus on was that tiny scream in the back of her head as she felt the pleasure overwhelming her._

Luke’s hand slid down her wrist to held hers and she was grateful for the simple gesture even though she wasn’t sure how to respond to that.

“Did you try to break free earlier?” She could feel his eyes on her. Searching for something in her.

She was watching the spot beneath his jaw where she used to bite down during sex because it felt good to sink her teeth into his flesh and it gave him some pleasure. “I wanted to jump off a skyscraper but I wasn’t fast enough” she said.

Luke sounded surprised when he asked: “You’re able to survive a jump like that?”

Jessica licked her lips. “I didn’t really care if I survived the jump. I wanted to get away” she tried making it sound careless. She really did. But he felt him squeezing her hand and she hung her head. Soon he was the one hugging her, comforting.

Maybe they could be good for each other. If they tried. Maybe it could work.

They were both scarred, they hurt each other and here they were offering each other comfort. His hand was stroking her back, calming her, his breath hot on her head. He gave her something she didn’t have in a long time. Peace of mind. Even if it was temporary.

“Maybe we can make it right, Jones”

Her heart pulse elevated as she didn’t dare to believe that he could say something like this. It was impossible. Never could have happened. She took her chance though.

“You’d want that?” her words were a little muffled against his chest but in response he hugged her tighter.

“I’d like to try”

“Me too”

They stayed like this for a longer time until she started freezing and they decided to keep going. Sitting in the car with him still was quiet but this time it wasn’t uncomfortable. It was peaceful. She wasn’t on the edge and actually got some sleep without nightmares.

Luke shook her awake gently and after a second of fighting with herself, she asked him if he wanted to come upstairs.

It was an impulse and in theory she knew that they were both pretty fucking emotionally unstable to do anything rational but that didn’t stop him from smiling to her and taking her hand so he could lead her to her own apartment.

Didn’t stop them from pushing each other into walls while getting rid of their clothes nor when they fell on her bed and started fucking for all these months apart, taking pleasure, soothing mental scars with raw passion that came with taking each other bodies and using them in any way they wanted.  

She claw into his skin not afraid to use her strength when he kept pounding into her, sucking bruises on her neck and letting go of any inhibition they ever had. That’s what made it so good, in a way they were made for each other, inhuman force against the unbreakable man. They matched, they took all they could and they gave and gave.

He broke her doorframe when she rode him and she might have make a hole in a wall and after all of that when he was too exhausted to stay upright and she felt like she was going to feel sore for days but it felt good. He was half asleep when she cuddled to him half resting on his chest and she felt his arm pressing her closer. She could do that.

She was relaxed, content and felt safe and almost sane in the arms of this man.

Maybe it was enough to have someone to hold on to and guide her back when she was freaked out would be enough. And maybe with all her flaws and snark and past she could be enough for him.

Maybe they could make it right.

***

Jessica felt fingers tracing shapes on her back. She turned around smile curling around the corners of her lips, she hadn’t smiled in a good while but the thought of the first person in the morning being Luke somehow made it easier. She turned around and felt the heat of the skin in front of her… the smell was wrong.

She kept her eyes closed trying to get to her right mind, it happened, she thought she could smell him, it was all in her head.

“Wake up, Jessica” the voice was low and _his._

She opened her eyes immediately and shot out of bed looking eye to eye to her nightmare. That was impossible…

“You’re not real.” She said in a quiet voice.

Her own personal devil was laying on her bed, looked comfortable and was smiling at her with something resembling pity. She started shaking and it seemed to amuse him as he got up and started walking towards her.

“You’re not real, I killed you!” her voice was hoarse and she couldn’t look away from Kilgrave. Who should be dead. She felt his neck breaking beneath her hands.

“Yes, that was a good one. Why don’t you remember the real version of events now, how about that, Jessica?” he was smiling at her and it made her sick. But she didn’t have time to think because she was flooded by a memory of _that night._

_„Let’s start with a smile”_

_A huge smile spread across her face and the joy it gave him made her nauseous. Then he leaned in, his heat so close making her skin crawl just as his next words: “Tell me you love me”_

_She looked at him and with a joy in her voice she told him, she did. She felt like ripping off her own tongue with disgust. And then she grabbed him by the face, kept him upright and told him to smile. And he did._

_“Let go of me Jessica” His voice was muffled but his eyes was boring into hers and to her horror her fingers started to let go, the next thing she knew was the darkness in front of her._

_“Trish said … I killed you” Jessica said, the terror overwhelming, he died._

_She was breathing fast, praying to wake up from this nightmare._

_“You didn’t. You wouldn’t be able to do that actually and everything would go oh so much faster if SHIELD didn’t interfere. They took us out with the drug, like lovers apparently we fell together. Then they took me and only recently I’ve been out looking out for you.” The look in his eyes was one of pure joy._

_Jessica grabbed a chair and was about to smash it on his head._

_“Uhuh. Don’t.”_

_Oh no._

_She stood there frozen the true horror of the situation downing on her._

_“Jessica I care for you but this was unnecessary. Now I sent your boyfriend away. I want you to come to me and show me how much you missed me and you missed me a lot and if you keep your snark to yourself he’ll be well and alive” he kept smiling and she felt sick._

She could fight it. She was out of his control once. She could overcome it, couldn’t she?

But when her legs made her come closer and her voice started talking things she would have never said, let alone to him, she knew she lost. Her body wasn’t hers anymore, her mind was twisted to his will and she fought. She fought like hell to get control back. It was pointless.

She lost.


End file.
